The Parent Gene

I swore an oath to myself that I would never do things like my parents did when I was a parent. After all, they didn't understand kids. They probably couldn't even remember being a kid, much less have the ability to empathize with how hard our lives were.

I would never tell my kids that, "Life is not fair," when they came to me with a concern that a sibling, relative or friend got special treatment or was able to go places or do things we couldn't. Nope, I would calmly and rationally help them understand that fairness was all a matter of attitude.

Yeah, that's it - the fairness attitude.

I would also never tell my kids that, "Kids today have it so easy. Well back when I was young..." Nope. I would always recognize that my children most certainly have a much harder life than I had at their age. After all, I didn't have to know anything about computers or video games or cable television tuners or...

And I would most certainly never become impatient with their persistent questions or challenges to my authority and tell my kids, "Because I said so, that's why!" No; I would take whatever time was necessary to answer their incessant, "Why," with a gentle explanation.

Yes, indeed, I would always be the loving, caring, empathetic parent who made Ward Cleaver look like an evil ogre. I would never be the "bad guy."

Not me.

And I wasn't; until I had a kid, that is...

There must be some magical parenting gene that lies dormant in our bodies until the very moment we become a parent; at which point it becomes a raging force in our lives.

I was terrified when I suddenly heard my parents' words coming out of my mouth. It couldn't be!!!! I was quickly becoming just as terrible of a parent to my kids as my parents had been to me!

I somehow magically recognized that life isn't fair. It never has been and it never will be. It wasn't for me and it won't be for my kids. I answered my kids objections about their unfair life many times through the years with those very words, "Life is not fair." The parent gene just took over and I totally lost control of my mind. The evil parent gene caused me to tell my kids that being honest and working hard were far more important than worrying about whether something was fair!

I also have caught myself telling my kids how easy they have it. I swore I would never say those words, but I did. I'm blaming that latent gene again. After all, it certainly couldn't be tied to the fact that my kids had all sorts of technology and toys and opportunities that I never had. Diane homeschooled the boys so they never had to walk six miles through a blizzard uphill both ways for school. No, they walked from their bedrooms to the school room without ever leaving the house. They had it so easy!!!

Perhaps the parent gene became most apparent when I found myself telling my boys, "Because I said so," after the four-hundredth, "Why?" I couldn't take it any more. My Ward Cleaver image was gone forever. I was not Ward Cleaver. I was just like my confused parents.

I'm blaming the gene...