My birthday came and went earlier this week. I make it a point to ignore my birthday; not out of some false sense of pride about growing older, but because my birthday can never live up to my past.
I was born on Dad's 27th birthday.
An only son born to an only son.
The one who would carry on the Brader name.
All kids love their birthdays, but mine were extra special because they were a day I shared with Dad. Birthdays were something to be celebrated together; an only son sharing the special day with his only son.
Dad and I always looked at the Cardinals' schedule and picked a baseball game to attend for our birthday celebration. We picked doubleheaders whenever there was one close to the actual day. We bought cheap seats way up near the top of the old Busch Stadium where we watched the game, ate hot dogs and shared a root beer.
We also went to IHOP on the Saturday closest to our birthday to get hot fudge sundaes together. We told the waitress about our shared birthday and she always brought the sundaes with a candle in the top of each one. They didn't make a big show of our birthday like restaurants do today; it was just a simple candle in recognition of our special day.
Birthdays were something to be celebrated together; an only son sharing the special day with his only son.
Dad left us far too soon. Mom tried to make my 13th birthday special, but nothing she could do would be able to replace the gaping hole left by Dad's death. For years I put on outward appearances for Mom; after all, it was a birthday she struggled with, too, I'm sure. Eventually, though, I just did away with appearances and tried to let my birthday pass like any other day. It still hurt inside, but I did my best to ignore it all and move on.
That all changed once Diane and the boys were in the picture. While I still wish I could just ignore the day; they want to celebrate my birthday. So I go through the motions. It's not the same, though, because birthdays were something to be celebrated together; an only son sharing the special day with his only son.
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