Three Years

Three years.

It seems like forever ago.

It seems like only yesterday.

It has been three years since we lost Mom.

Mom, the fighter.

Mom, the one who refused to let cancer kill her spirit - even if it was going to kill her body.

Mom, the one who seemingly willed herself to live long enough to attend Bryan and Tess's wedding.

We all gathered to spend her last day by her side; surrounding her bed as she fought, even to her final moments.  We suffered with her as she struggled to breathe; refusing until the very end to let the cancer win. Each breath was a fight in and of itself. With each breath, I caught myself praying that it would be her last so her struggle in this life would end, but hoping she would fight on and take one more.

I still get a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes as I remember Mom lying on the hospital bed in her living room, her death rattle filling the room as her body fought to draw another breath.

Ted needed a break so he went out to cut the grass. I don't know that it really needed to be cut, but he needed to be out cutting it.

Debbie, Kim, Beth and I sat the death watch; knowing that it was really ending, but somehow refusing to admit that Mom had finally come upon a battle she wasn't going to win.

And then, she was gone.

I went out to get Ted. He stumbled over Shannon in his haste to make it to Mom's bedside. Shannon; the dog that had once saved his life now kept vigil beside Mom's body.

Ted sat with her lifeless body as he waited for the funeral director; their life together now over.

While the very essence of what made Mom special will never leave that house, she left home for the final time that Friday night in June.

We buried Mom on the thirty-sixth anniversary of Dad's death. It somehow seemed fitting that we would say our final goodbyes to Mom on such a significant day. Thirty-six years was not long enough to forget the searing pain of losing one parent; and now we were overwhelmed with the task of saying goodbye again.

It was brutally hot the day we buried Mom. I will never forget the sight of her six grandsons as they carried her casket from the church to the graveside.

Carrying the shell that had once been Grandmother.

It's been three years.

It seems like forever ago.

It seems like only yesterday...