Over The Rainbow

I'm colorblind. The doctors tell me that I am severely red/green colorblind and seriously blue/yellow colorblind. I still see colors; I apparently just see many of them incorrectly. I'm much better identifying colors in bright sunlight than under artificial light or dim conditions, but I can't tell very dark colors apart or very light colors apart no matter what.

I remember when the doctors discovered my color deficiencies. I had borrowed a friend's glasses in science class and was amazed at how clearly I could see the board. I mentioned it to Mom and she did what Mom's do - she immediately made an appointment for me to see the eye doctor. She made an appointment for Beth at the same time; just for good measure.

I was up first with the eye doctor. Beth was sitting with Mom in the chairs beside the examining chair. The moment of truth came when the eye doctor pulled out that stupid little book they have with all of the dots in it. He dutifully went through the book page by page; asking me to tell him what I saw in each ring of dots.

I saw dots.

That's it.

Just dots.

Beth began giggling as each page was turned and I reported nothing on the page. I heard her ask Mom why I wasn't telling the eye doctor about the 27, or whatever number it was on the page. Convinced that there must be something on at least one of these pages; I decided that maybe I just wasn't studying the dots enough. I stared at the next page for a long time. I looked at the dots from multiple vantage points; determined to find the hidden message in the dots.

I saw dots.

Whether because he didn't need to see any more or to save me from Beth's giggling I don't know, but the eye doctor didn't even finish going through the book. I had failed the test.

Beth was overcome with joy at my failure.

I learned to deal with my colorblindness at a young age; even without knowing I had color vision problems. I tore the paper into different patterns on my crayons so I could tell them apart. I still colored many things the wrong color, but I didn't know and I didn't care. The only times my color vision has really been a problem was when I needed help reading the spectrometer in science classes.

I, like everyone else - even those with so-called perfect color vision - learned to associate the color I saw on the grass in the summer as green and the color of a clear sky as blue. Discovering I was colorblind did explain a lot, though. For example, no one in the family could ever figure out why I insisted on having my bedroom painted Aztec Gold. They all thought it the most hideous color available. I thought it was beautiful.

I wouldn't have my color vision corrected even if I could. I can't imagine something more disconcerting than waking up one morning to discover that the grass was actually what I had always thought of as blue and the sky was what I had always thought of as green. It wouldn't be worth it.

I still mess up a lot of things.

Before Diane took over my clothes shopping I only bought clothes in white, black, blue and gray because I could wear pretty much any combination of those colors in pants and shirts without a problem. Diane won't have any of that, so she buys me clothes in various colors. She buys shirts with patterns, also. That throws me for a loop because I have no idea what colors are in them. She has to pair up my pants and shirts when I travel for work so I don't look like a total dork any more than I normally do. She writes "Black" on the waistband tag of my black pants so I can tell them apart from my blue ones. She keeps my socks sorted and separated in my drawer.

Overall, I think I have adapted fairly well. I'm quite content with my color vision, or lack thereof. The only thing that bothers me about my colorblindness is that I have never seen a rainbow. Oh, I see a streak of light through the sky, but I have never seen the colors in a rainbow. Diane loves rainbows and looks for them whenever the conditions are right. She comments about the beautiful colors. I believe her, but I only see a streak of light.

I suppose that I will see colors like I have never seen them before when I reach heaven . It is then that I will see God's promised rainbow for the first time.

I'm okay with that.