Similes

Webster's Dictionary defines Simile as, "a figure of speech comparing two unlike things that is often introduced by like or as (as in cheeks like roses)." Understanding such nuances of the English language can be very important when dealing with one's uncle...

I think back to the summer of 1994. I remember it well because that is the year we were building our house in North Prairie. Kim's husband Chris had to come to Milwaukee for some fleet management conference or seminar. Kim and the kids came along. Our combined families did some fun things while they visited - like taking all of the kids to see The Lion King.

We also took the kids to the zoo.

Milwaukee has a wonderful zoo; with lots of animals, largely grouped by geographic region throughout the complex. There was also a small concession operation near the back of the zoo at that time. It is there that Similes became important.

I don't really recall what anyone else ordered for lunch that day, but I do recall that I ordered my standard of nachos with extra jalapeno peppers. Lots of extra jalapeno peppers. I basically order nachos strictly for the pleasure of eating jalapenos. Every bite must have one or more jalapeno peppers in it. I stop eating the chips and cheese sauce as soon as I run out of peppers. Chips and cheese just isn't that exciting to me. I love jalapenos. In fact, I find them to be quite mild among the peppers I eat.

But I digress...

I sat at one of the outdoor tables with the kids while Diane and Kim brought the food over. Sarah, who must have been around eight or nine years old at that time (I'm terrible with kids' ages), was curious about the jalapeno peppers on my nachos. (Sarah's parents had obviously not educated her on the fine delicacy known as a jalapeno pepper. They obviously had also failed to educate her on her uncle's sense of humor.)

She asked what they were.

I told her, "Jalapeno peppers."

"What's that," she asked?

To which I replied, "Jalapenos are a condiment; you know - like a pickle," as I popped one into my mouth, chewed it up and swallowed.

Let it be known that at no point did I tell a lie - in fact, I answered Sarah's question honestly and completely. (I refer you back to Webster's definition of simile at the beginning of this post if you don't remember what it said.) She didn't ask what it tasted like or whether it was spicy or... She merely asked what it was and I answered.

Kim tried to warn Sarah that she shouldn't trust her loving uncle, but Sarah's inquisitive nature took over and she decided that she must try it.

The look on her face as she bit into the jalapeno was priceless - to an uncle, anyway.

Her eyes watered and her face immediately turned red as perspiration broke out on her forehead. She spit out the pepper (wasting a good jalapeno, I might add) and began guzzling drinks to cool her tongue.

Kim was not happy that I had not warned her, but I still contend that Kim, herself, warned Sarah and Sarah chose to ignore it.

Perhaps I taught Sarah an important lesson that day in heeding her mother's advice. Who knows what sort of hooliganism she may have gotten involved in if I had not taught her how important it was to listen to her mother.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.