The C Word

Not the C Word Jane Fonda blurted out on national television. No, I'm talking about The C Word that makes you feel like you can't draw a breath; that puts you into an immediate state of disbelief and shock.

It is, of course, Cancer.

You never forget the moment you hear that word. For us, it was December 4, 2006. It all started with a simple self-exam that led to a visit to the doctor. She was "almost certain" that it wasn't The C Word, but wanted to send Diane for a mammogram - just to be sure. The mammogram showed something. The radiologist was "reasonably certain" that it wasn't The C Word, but wanted to do an ultrasound  - just to be sure. The ultrasound showed something. The radiologist was more guarded this time and wanted to do a biopsy - just to be sure.

So, almost one week to the hour after feeling a lump; Diane was in the Breast Care Center at Waukesha Memorial Hospital for a biopsy.

It was a Friday.

Friday is the worst day to have a biopsy because the results wouldn't be available until Monday. We had a whole weekend to wait. So we waited. And we clung to the doctor's original statement that she was "almost certain..."

On Monday, the doctor's office called and asked Diane to come in - and to make sure I was with her. Doctors NEVER call you in to give you good news - and they NEVER EVER want you to make sure you have someone with you when they give you good news.

Diane sat on the examining table and I stood beside her. The doctor sat in front of Diane and said the words we dreaded, "You have Stage II Carcinoma."

Diane stared blankly into space; quietly and rather forlornly repeating, "I have Cancer."

I cried.

And the roller coaster started.

Much like a real roller coaster, though, the first drop is the worst. Once your stomach eventually catches back up to your body after that first free-fall you kind of settle in for the rest of the ride. You may not enjoy it, but you have survived the first big whammy.

For us, it took a few days for our stomachs to catch up; but they did. It certainly helped when we met with the surgeon (whom Diane thought was quite cute) the next day and the first words out of his mouth were, "I've looked through everything and, six months from now you will look back on this as a bump in the road. You'll be fine, but you'll go through hell to get there."

He was right.

Cancer treatments took a toll on Diane. There were surgeries and more tests and chemotherapy and more tests and radiation and more tests. True to the surgeon's word; Diane finished up the last of her daily radiation treatments a little over six months after the whole ordeal started.

She still suffers today from some of the effects the medicines had on her body. Through it all I was reminded each and every day of how strong and resilient she was as she refused to allow the disease or its treatment stop her from homeschooling the boys and taking care of our home.

Each day I was reminded of just how much she means to me and how inadequate I was in all of this. It was my job to protect her, but I couldn't protect her from The C Word.

Cancer can affect a marriage in many ways; it can draw you closer together or it can be a wedge to drive you apart. For us, Cancer became the fire that refines the gold. The bond between us; already a strong one, became unbreakable, our love even richer and more precious.

Cancer can also affect your faith. We could have sat back and questioned, "Why Diane, Lord?" Instead, we recognized that God allowed Diane to get Cancer to strengthen her, me and our love for Him. Although Diane may have pondered it in her heart; she never questioned. Through it all, she was a rock. She never complained; other than the near constant mourning that the chemotherapy weakened her immune system to the point where she was not allowed to care for "her" precious babies as the caretaker of the church nursery.

Diane is an example for all of us; never allowing the disease to claim even a small victory in her life. Her faith became stronger; her love for God deeper and her commitment to serve even stronger. Her example served as a conviction for me, too.

We praise God for His healing hand upon Diane. Sometimes He heals miraculously and sometimes He heals through the doctors; their drugs and their machines. Sometimes He chooses not to heal. Through it all, we came to trust Him even more; whether he healed Diane or not. We are so thankful that He healed.

We praise Him for her total discharge from treatment last year. The doctors tell us that her odds of getting Cancer again are not different than someone who never had it at all.

Of course, The C Word is always there; always in the back of your mind. No longer the monster hiding under the bed; it is a constant reminder that Diane is a SURVIVOR.

She faced it head-on - and she won.